I am not an anxious person. I don’t have an anxious temperament. I don’t easily get afraid (except maybe when I am flying in a plane and there’s turbulence). I rarely panic. In addition, I have to say that I am very leery about labeling people “big words” because I believe it traps them into fixed mindsets behind which they can hide, OR it can feel like a judgment, thus create defensiveness.
So, the word “anxiety” has been a word I have tried to steer clear of for as long as I could (for myself and for my clients), because it’s one of those “big words” that’s been overused recently and is often not supporting people in dealing with difficult situations.
But lately, I have to say that a cumulation of events in the world on top of events in my own life have added anxiety to my range of emotions. For me it manifests as a constant nagging feeling of unease. It stops me from being my best self. It keeps me on alert all the time and impedes me from being able to focus or be completely calm. Sometimes it downright sends me into tail spins during which I might hyperventilate and do or say unproductive things. But one thing this "new" (for me) emotion never does is actually help me solve my problems.
Can anyone reading this relate? I know I’m not alone.
In 2021, the Surgeon General issued a troubling Advisory about the mental health of children in the U.S. Now, in his August 2024 latest Advisory, the Surgeon General issued a report of concern about the mental health of parents … that’s a lot of people--close to 25% of the population--who are experiencing adverse mental health situations, with anxiety being a key symptom of mental unwellness.
Adding more fuel to the fire are the 2024 results of the American Psychiatric Association's annual mental health poll, which shows that U.S. adults are feeling increasingly anxious. In 2024, 43% of adults say they feel more anxious than they did the previous year, up from 37% in 2023 and 32% in 2022.
So today, I thought I’d dive into the topic that’s top of mind for so many, and offer a few strategies on how to deal with anxiety after having – hopefully – normalized it a little bit.
Anxiety is common: people experience it to a wide range of degrees—from mild, subtle uneasiness, apprehensiveness, or caution…to an ongoing sense of tension, vigilance, and fearfulness…and, in the most extreme cases, as outright panic or possibly sheer terror. Sometimes people can feel embarrassed about admitting the degree to which they're actually worried about things, and yet it's really natural to be scared.
At its root, anxiety is fear, and fear is essential from an evolutionary standpoint: without it, our species would not have survived to today and you would not be reading this. Historically, our brain’s number one job has always been and continues to be to keep us alive. As Rick Hanson puts it: “In the wild, rule one is live to see the sunrise and pass on genes that pass on genes. Eat lunch today, don't BE lunch today.”. This might also explain why paradoxically, people can sometimes become anxious about not being anxious – because if you are not afraid you might lower your guard, and this might be when bad things happen.
Anxiety can be experienced for many different reasons, but there are major causes:
- Our innate temperament (you can read more about temperaments in this past newsletter about knowing oneself.).
- Our own personal history. As we go through painful or traumatic experiences, it's natural to register and store some of these as anticipatory fearfulness.
- Our circumstances. If we're living in threatening environments or relationships, it's normal to feel anxious, uneasy, or alarmed about what's happening around you.
SO, WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT IT???
Here are a few strategies which will hopefully help you or someone you know with anxiety move from PANIC to CALM.
1 - CALM DOWN
When we develop anxiety feelings--whether mild fear or utter panic, because of perceived threats, our protective brains kick into high gear to make sure we survive. Our bodies go into what I call the “F” mode: Fight, Flight, or Freeze. Our essential bodily functions, such as digestion, go on hold and we get flooded with stress hormones like adrenaline, testosterone, and glucose so our bodies can mobilize and deal with the perceived threat. All of this is very useful if we are about to be some animal’s lunch, but not very much so if we are panicking about a work due date, worrying how to pay our bills this month, or stressing about an upcoming difficult conversation we need to have with someone. It’s not even useful if we are scared about a hurricane that’s about to make landfall in another state, or about the outcome of an election in a few months, or a war in other part of the world— all of which we have limited control over. To be blunt, anxiety isn’t a very productive emotion: it mostly robs us of peace in the present moment and doesn’t help us productively solve anything in the future. Its only usefulness is as a signal that tells us that something might require our attention, which in turn will be helpful only if we then act upon the hunch and do something about the problem.
The first step, then, is to identify that we are in a state of stress and anxiety. This happens when we practice mindfulness regularly, thus raising our ongoing awareness of our states of being. You can read more about how to do that in this past blog post. Once we realize that we are anxious, the next step is to lower our anxiety level. You can do this through deep and conscious breathing. By making your exhalation twice as long as your inhalation, the parasympathetic nervous system will be naturally engaged which will also slow your heart rate. Let the calming down experience really sink in, so that you can know what it feels like to really calm down and find a sense of stability inside yourself and remember it next time you have a moment of anxiety.
2 - CULTIVATE YOUR STRENGTH
Anxiety comes up, understandably, when there's a mismatch between threats and resources. We might feel that the threats are bigger than they are, or we might underestimate our strengths.
A good way to evaluate threats accurately is to discuss them with trusted companions—partners, friends, or professionals—and have them help us put things in perspective. A very long time ago, as former prey to wild animals, we could not afford to make the mistake even once to underestimate a threat. How often is this true in our lives today? I am sure you would agree: almost never.
As for accurately evaluating our strengths, it’s helpful to recall a time when we really felt strong. Remember the event and try to feel the sense of strength that you felt in your body. It might even be useful to put your body in the same strong posture you were in at the time, to literally embody the strength again. Then, when challenging situations arise for real, you will readily have a stance and an inner experience of strength which will help you cope better and feel less anxious as you do. You can tap into this sense of strength anytime you want, and you can draw upon it as you deal with the things in your life that are indeed challenging.
3 - INCREASE YOUR SENSE OF SAFETY
We all need to feel safe. It's the most fundamental need of all. One of the major ways to help ourselves feel as safe as we reasonably can is to be more aware of the protections in our lives. There are outside resources that protect us—walls, roofs, a dog—and resources that protect us on the inside —our minds and bodies. When we have a chance to experience an authentic sense of reassurance or relief--something we worried about that didn't happen--it’s helpful to really slow the experience down and let ourselves feel the sense of greater safety and less anxiousness.
4 - TAKE ACTION
So far, we have discussed how to not feel needlessly anxious and what we can do inside to not carry around more anxiety than is appropriate based on what we are dealing with. On the other hand, none of these inner practices are a substitute for taking real action to deal with real threats to the extent that we can. In my coaching work with clients, we often discuss how they might have a sense of anxiety about something, such as whether they'll get into a meaningful relationship, will they have enough money to pay the rent this month, or whether they're really dealing with some kind of serious health issue. What brings them to coaching is that anxiety keeps them stuck into inaction. The most essential antidote to anxiety is action!!!
To tame the anxiety, it’s quite important to get into action and scale resources up to the level of the threat. You can read more about taking action in this past blog.
Action also has the value of binding anxiety: if you're taking systematic, concrete action that's related to the threat, pain, or danger, then you can and will feel better inside yourself as you cope with it.
BENEFITS OF OVERCOMING ANXIETY
It almost goes without saying: there are many really good reasons to work on taming our anxiety.
First, an anxiety-free life is a feel-better life! It’s uncomfortable to live in constant worry and be plagued by concerns and fears.
Second, as we develop a greater sense of resilience and well-being, we significantly reduce the wear and tear on our physical and mental health. The stronger and more peaceful we are, the less anxious we become. It’s a positive vicious circle.
Finally, the better practiced we become at controlling needless anxiety, the more accurate we become in focusing our attention on challenges that are real, and the more efficient we become at dealing with and solving real and important problems.
Ultimately, we are not going to be able to reverse engineer our ancestral brain to get rid of anxiety altogether. Nor should we want to. Therefore, it’s helpful to realize that two things can be true at the same time: we can be appropriately vigilant for actual inner and outer threats, while at the same time cultivating a sense of inner strength, calm, and ease as we manage those various treats.
I hope that all this talk about anxiety hasn’t contributed to raise your levels of it! Even if some of the big problems of today’s society have happened before in mankind’s history, it is usually the first time that each of us have experienced them. In this day and age, there are definitely legitimate and significant reasons to feel increased anxiety. I would contend that that’s exactly the reason why it behooves each and every one of us to work at taming our anxiety: the more calm we stay, the better we can work at solving issues—whether they be personal or global.
What action are you going to take to start taming your anxiety? One step could be to sign up for my upcoming wellness workshop! Read on to find out more.
Namaste,
Here’s a beautiful and perfectly fitting poem by John Roedel that I recently came across—it truly resonates with this topic: Read here
I would also love to share this short playlist of songs with you which discuss -and might soothe? – anxiety. Nothing like a bit of a beat to beat anxious emotions out of anyone of us!
IT’S ABOUT DXXX TIME - Lizzo LISTEN NOW
BRAVE - Sara Bareilles LISTEN NOW
ANXIETY - Julia Michaels LISTEN NOW
IN MY BLOOD - Shawn Mendes LISTEN NOW
WELLNESS WORKSHOP
Join us for an immersive half-day Wellness Virtual Workshop on Friday, November 8, from 9 AM to 12 PM EST.
Who it's for: Anyone feeling anxious, overwhelmed, stressed, or simply looking to prioritize their mental and physical well-being. Whether you’re managing work-life balance, recovering from a health challenge, or just seeking a self-care reset, this workshop is designed to help you recharge and refocus.
What You'll Learn:
- Stress Management Techniques: Discover simple yet effective methods to manage stress and anxiety in your daily life.
- Mindfulness & Meditation: Learn how to incorporate mindfulness practices to find calm in the chaos.
- Self-Care Strategies: Explore actionable self-care tips that fit into your busy lifestyle, allowing you to maintain balance and energy.
Why Attend? Bring your current stressors or wellness challenges to the session and leave with practical tools to improve your mental and physical well-being. This workshop will equip you with the skills to lead a healthier, more balanced life, ready to face life’s challenges with clarity and calm.
Details:
Cost: $350
Early Bird Discount: Register by October 31 and save $50 with code EARLYBIRD!
Don’t miss this opportunity to invest in your well-being and take the first step towards a more peaceful, balanced life. Secure your spot today!
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