Firstly, a note for the men. As the title of this blog post indicates, we will be talking to and about women in the lines ahead. You could therefore choose to move on without paying attention … Or, if you have women in your life that you care about, you could also choose to read on. You might discover a thing or two you didn’t know, and your mind or your heart might open up just a tad bit more than it already is. At the very least it might provide some good discussion topics for your next conversation with some women in your life!
I don’t mean to leave out other marginalized genders by the way, but it’s not been my personal experience and I wouldn’t know what I am talking about. That said, I am pretty sure that many things in the vignettes described below will resonate with marginalized persons as well.
Ladies! Let me start by asking a question. Answer honestly! Do you, or have you ever, wished you were born a man? Counter intuitively, I actually have not, because I have cherished conceiving, carrying, birthing and raising children more than anything else I have ever done, and would be willing to trade all the costs I have endured a million times over for the chance to do it all over again. I have also loved being a very strong woman in a man’s world that has mostly not intimidated me. But I can see how very easily I could have wished otherwise – and I must admit I came pretty close a number of times. I do think life would be a lot easier as a man, especially in the workplace (and of course even more so in a large number of countries around the world). Let me share with you a few stories that have brought this to my mind recently:
Unequal Pay Battle
I remember one of my corporate jobs a few decades ago – when I found out one day that I was being paid $30,000 less per year than a male colleague doing the same job as me. He was responsible for domestic sales, I was for international sales ; we had equivalent education and diplomas. He was a bit older than me and thus had a few years more experience – but his sales results were far less impressive than mine. I immediately built a “case” and presented it to management … to no avail. I ended up leaving the company (if you can’t break it or you can’t bear it, then you have to beat it …). I believe this was blatant discrimination and I am still seething to this day that I wasn’t able to convince the company to give me fair and equal treatment, and that they preferred to stick with an average producing employee because he was “one of them”, rather than rising to the occasion and making the decision to make things right.
Career vs. Family Conundrum
I coach a lot of young women. They are all smart, driven, high achieving professionals. Tough as nails and successful in their respective careers. Many of them want to have children, but struggle with making the choice that means they will ultimately be sacrificing their career. Those who have had children have said that the demands of pregnancy and motherhood are a huge challenge and they face a constant battle of priorities. They can’t help but resent their male counterparts as they climb the career ladder. Would their careers have taken the same trajectory if they hadn't made the choice to have a family?
Biological Bias
One of my very best girlfriends is a bubbly, energetic, exuberant powerhouse who is extremely active on social media. A few years ago, she had just launched her new business – and of course with great fanfare on social media sites. Within a few days of the launch, she disappeared from the online world and went radio silent. It took me a little while to notice her absence (social media brouhaha can be loud and deafening!). But as soon as I did, I reached out to inquire what was going on. She shared that she had fallen gravely ill with intense vertigo coupled with extreme and debilitating weakness. It took doctors weeks of intense detective work to finally come up with a diagnosis: pre-menopause. Menopause has to be the best kept secret of all time: nobody talks about it anywhere. I personally didn’t learn about it in school. This wasn’t discussed in my family. And I was not warned by my doctor about how serious it would be, and that it would last for years. I quickly learned that menopause can have really nasty physical impacts which seriously impede the daily quality of life, and lasts from two years at best, to up to 10 years! And it comes at the end of a lifetime of periods and all the symptoms that women suffer with them. Both topics (periods and menopause) are taboo subjects. They can be deeply embarrassing and are often visible conditions (in particular menopause symptoms) for women, which render life in the workplace particularly challenging.
Stereotype Struggle
Another of my friends had worked tirelessly for years, and her dedication and competence earned her a promotion as a team leader. However, on her very first day in her new role, one of her male colleagues couldn't resist making a snide remark: “Are you sure a woman can handle this position?” Women have to relentlessly fight for a seat at the male-dominated table, and even once they earn a spot, they have to diligently think of how they are dressed, if they are coming off “too powerfully”, and how to constantly prove they are qualified to be there. In addition, there’s the dilemma of: do you attempt to conform to the leadership style that's been historically masculine and rewarded with success? Or do you stay true to your feminine (but less valued) characteristics, and bring passion and empathy to your workplace, while putting people at the center?
I am absolutely certain that each woman reading this has at least one challenging “woman” story to share that could have turned into one of these vignettes. And I am equally as certain that each man (I hope you’re still here!) is able to share a similar story they know about a woman in their lives.
At The Challenge Coach, we know that life can be really hard. I often share during workshops that “people’s next challenge is in the mail.”: life is not a bed of roses – not for anyone. Women, though, experience a unique set of challenges, and this hugely impacts their experience of the workplace and their careers as a whole. That’s why we have decided to offer a Women’s Group Coaching program: for 6 bi-monthly sessions over the course of 3 months, an intimate group of supportive women will work to transform the unique challenges they face as women into growth and success. Come tackle your female challenges together. You will leave stronger and transformed. See more details below.
Supportively yours,
P.s. Are you ready to receive exclusive insights, tips, and strategies to help you overcome your challenges and achieve your goals? Then sign up for The Challenge Coach's Newsletter today!
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