It’s February. The love-month – right? So of course my newsletter is going to be about love. I’m going to figure out a way to make it fun, interesting, maybe even romantic, and share something new that my readers might not have heard yet.
And BAM. This happens.
And – yet again – my heart (and yours undoubtedly) – shatters in a million pieces.
And – yet again – all I want to do is disappear in a blackhole so I don’t have to think, feel, hear, know – about the 50,000 lives that have been lost in this natural disaster and the 1.25 million people rendered homeless (and who are probably also at risk of hunger).
And – FOR ONCE – there’s no one and nobody to blame! Of course people are trying to find someone to blame. It’s only human – when one is in deep despair – to want to find a punching ball. But this was just our planet earth "burping". I’m sure a few buildings could have been better constructed … but I’m not sure that we – humans – can really render ourselves completely safe from all natural catastrophes.
Back to my point though: this newsletter was going to be about LOVE, not about DEATH!!!
So what do I do??? How do I fight my despair in the face of total helplessness? How do I contribute to you (my reader) – in a way that’s productive – when all I want to do is hide?
I go back – yet again – to the basics.
What can I do here? What can I control? What do I control??
These questions bring me back to the Serenity Prayer of Reinhold Niebuhr:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.
And the question also brings me back to a concept I use in my trainings and group coachings over and over again: Stephen Covey’s “circle of concern” from his book “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”.
Since a picture is worth a thousand words ….
In the circle at the center are the things that I have control over – i.e. that I influence. In a nutshell – that’s everything that has to do with ME. My thoughts, feelings, reactions, emotions, actions and behaviors.
The circle on the outside is called “the circle of concern” … because it contains everything I don’t control, therefore everything that I am going to be concerned about. It starts with “others”:
THEIR thoughts, THEIR words, THEIR actions, THEIR reactions … But it’s also everything that I have ZERO control over, for example … an earthquake. A war. A hurricane. A pandemic.
The trick, in life, is to not let the circle of concern do what it sometimes does to me: overrun all systems. Make us want to give up and throw in the towel - and drown ourselves in whatever is our drowning tool of choice.
HOW DO WE NOT GIVE IN to what’s in the circle of concern?
By focusing in on our CIRCLE OF CONTROL – thus growing it.
Because, as I am sure you know:
So what I want to do in those moments of utter helplessness, is focus on what I can control.
In the case of the earthquake in Turkey and Syria:
- I can work on calming myself down. I can choose to use all my mindfulness practices to surf the waves of my intense emotions in the face of this disaster.
- I can reach out to all the Turkish or Syrian people I know around the world and offer condolences and support (moral and practical).
- I can do some research and find out which NGOs are doing the most – proven – good on the ground, and contribute money or even volunteer time to them.
- I can find out if my professional coaching skills could be of use anywhere – and offer them pro-bono.
- I can find out who in my local political scene is actually doing something to support the victims – and support them with my vote and my political contributions.
- I can post on social media anything that might be useful to the victims.
- I can send some of my morning prayers and loving kindness mantras to the people who are suffering in the area.
- I can continue to inform myself about the evolving situation and choose not to forget about the victims of this disaster too fast.
- I can choose to write a newsletter about this topic.
As I do all these things that I CAN do, I am reminded of Helen Keller’s quote:
“I am only one,
but still I am one.
I cannot do everything,
but still I can do something;
and because I cannot do everything,
I will not refuse to do something that I can do.”
Soooooo…. What’s irking YOU right now? How would you like to use these concepts to re-focus your energy on what you can control vs. what you can’t? What are you going to choose to grow, and what are you going to choose to shrink? I look forward to hearing about it- please SHARE in the comments below!
And in the meantime – I do want to get us back to what the world needs now:
What the world needs now is … “love sweet love, not just for some but for everyone.”
SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHALLENGE COACH NEWSLETTER
Are you ready to receive exclusive insights, tips, and strategies to help you overcome your challenges and achieve your goals? Then sign up for The Challenge Coach's Newsletter today!
As a subscriber, you'll get access to:
- Actionable tips and advice from The Challenge Coach
- Inspiring stories
- Discounts for coaching programs and products
... and much more!
Don't miss out on this incredible opportunity to stay connected with The Challenge Coach and take your personal growth to the next level. Sign up now and join our community of driven, determined, and empowered individuals: http://eepurl.com/dAdVLH
