Radical Acceptance and Radical Joy as Paths to Resilience

As the snow falls gently outside my window, I find myself reflecting on the heartache I’ve been witnessing this past month: I’ve been spending time with someone I hold dear, someone who is navigating the stormy seas of grief. A year ago, they lost their life partner of 40 years, their anchor, their constant. The void left behind is as vast and unyielding as the ocean, and I am here, watching, helpless. It doesn’t matter that I experienced the same a decade ago … It seems that nothing I say or do is helping. How do I help them rediscover their resilience? How do I help them find their way back to joy? I’ve been searching for answers, even as my own heart aches for their pain.

This month’s newsletter is dedicated to all of us who are facing challenges that feel insurmountable. Whether it’s the grief of losing someone we love, the uncertainty of the world around us, or the personal battles we fight in silence, we are all searching for a path forward. Let’s talk about two powerful tools that can help us on this journey: radical acceptance and radical joy.

The Weight of the World

Before diving in, let’s acknowledge the backdrop of our collective struggles. Wildfires rage in California, leaving devastation in their wake. Hurricanes have battered Florida and North Carolina. The political landscape feels fractured, and many of us are grappling with a deep sense of division and uncertainty. In much of the USA, a relentless polar vortex has held its icy grip for over a month. Globally, conflicts in Ukraine and the Middle East continue to unfold, each day bringing fresh heartbreak. It’s no wonder so many of us feel overwhelmed, anxious, and afraid.

In the face of such enormous challenges, it’s easy to feel powerless. But there is a way through this darkness. It begins with radical acceptance.

Embracing Radical Acceptance

“Leaves show us the way of radical acceptance: in the Fall, they drop to the ground without resistance. So should we …"


When life confronts us with pain, our instinct is to resist. We want to fight back, to change the unchangeable, to make the pain disappear. But often, our resistance only deepens our suffering. This is where the concept of radical acceptance comes in.


Radical acceptance starts with doing nothing.

At its core, radical acceptance is rooted in ancient Buddhist teachings. Pema Chödrön, in her book When Things Fall Apart, emphasizes the importance of embracing the present moment and acknowledging our experiences without resistance. She states: “The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy. By allowing ourselves to fully experience our emotions without clinging or aversion, we create space for peace and clarity, even in the midst of turmoil."

Additionally, the concept of radical acceptance has been further developed in modern psychology, particularly through the work of Marsha Linehan and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Radical acceptance, as Linehan describes, is the practice of acknowledging the reality of our situation without judgment or resistance. It doesn’t mean we approve of what’s happening or that we’re giving up. Rather, it’s about letting go of the struggle against reality and finding a place of inner peace.

Here’s the hard truth: pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. By resisting our pain, we create a second layer of suffering. Radical acceptance helps us strip away that second layer, leaving us with a clearer mind and a stronger heart to face life’s challenges.

As Linehan so eloquently put it, “The pathway out of hell is through misery. The more you fight your misery, the more you stay in hell.”

Radical acceptance asks us to stop fighting against reality. Instead, we allow ourselves to feel our emotions fully—the grief, the anger, the fear—without judgment. We recognize that these feelings are valid, that they are a natural response to our circumstances. In this way, we begin to build resilience, one moment of acceptance at a time.

A Lesson from the Ancient East

The ancient Chinese parable of the stallion reminds us that life’s events are neither inherently good nor bad—they simply are. The story goes that a farmer’s horse runs away, and when his neighbors offer their condolences, he replies, “Who knows what is good and what is bad?” Later, the horse returns with a group of wild horses. The neighbors now congratulate him, but again he responds, “Who knows what is good and what is bad?” The story continues with a series of events, each seemingly fortunate or unfortunate, yet the farmer remains steadfast in his acceptance of what is and his wisdom, understanding that life is full of unpredictable turns. This parable beautifully illustrates the essence of radical acceptance: releasing judgment and embracing the unfolding of life with openness and equanimity.

Who Do We Need to Be?

Once we’ve embraced radical acceptance, the next step is to ask ourselves: Who do we need to be to live in this new reality? What strength do we already have that we can build on? What strengths are we missing that we need to develop to make it through this new landscape?

Another element to ponder is what is within our circle of control? We may not be able to change the external circumstances, but we can change how we respond to them. We can adapt, grow, and find a sense of purpose even in the face of adversity.

In the case of my dear grieving person: one strength she has possessed all of her life is a joy and sparkle for life. I am hopeful she can build herself back on top of this strength. One that she might need to develop for herself is self-confidence in her abilities to function alone in life. For me, a strength that I am really working on strengthening right now in the face of the suffering around me is my drive and ability to be of service to others. One that I am working on developing is being a little less sensitive so that I am not a sponge to the turmoil of emotions swirling around me. 

What strengths or character traits do you need to build on, or develop, to face whatever pain is in your soul right now? 

Reconnecting with Radical Joy

If radical acceptance is the foundation of resilience, then radical joy is the light that guides us forward. Joy may feel elusive in times of hardship, but it’s there, waiting for us to reach out and claim it.

Radical joy is not passive. It’s a deliberate, courageous choice we make, even when it feels impossible. In moments of deep despair, when life feels overwhelming, choosing joy can feel like an act of rebellion. It requires us to cultivate joy intentionally, to seek it out and nurture it, especially when it’s hardest to find.

Think of radical joy as a practice, much like meditation or exercise. It’s something we commit to, even when we don’t feel like it. Here are some ways to practice radical joy:

  • Mindfulness: Take a moment to notice the world around you. The birds at the feeder, the way the sunlight dances on the snow, the sound of laughter. These small moments of presence can be profound.
  • Simple Pleasures: Cook a wholesome meal, read a book that inspires you, or watch a movie that makes you smile.
  • Connection: Reach out to loved ones, even if it’s just to share the mundane details of your day. Connection reminds us that we are not alone.
  • Movement: Go for a walk, stretch, or dance. Physical movement can be a powerful antidote to emotional stagnation.
  • Hope: Plan something to look forward to, whether it’s a vacation, a home project, or a gathering with friends.

Radical joy asks us to notice the beauty and goodness that still exists, even in the midst of pain. It’s about finding gratitude for what we have, even as we grieve for what we’ve lost. It’s about creating moments of light in the darkness.

For my dear person who is grieving, I’ve started to gently introduce these small moments of joy. We’ve shared cups of tea by the fire, admired the beauty of a winter sunset, and reminisced about happy memories. Each of these moments is a tiny step toward healing.

Here’s a poem that captures the essence of this journey:

When the storm rages loud and long,
and the night feels endless,
Look for the first light of dawn,
A single thread of hope,
Unraveling the darkness.

Find joy in the birdsong,
In the laughter of children,
In the warmth of a hand held tight.
These are the seeds of resilience,
Planted in the soil of acceptance.

What Will Your Radical Joy Practice Be?

As we navigate these challenging times, I invite you to reflect on your own practice of radical joy. What small, meaningful actions can you take to reconnect with the beauty of life? How can you cultivate moments of gratitude, even in the face of difficulty? Read on below to learn about a special offer to take advantage of a "Joue Ta Vie” (“Play Your Life”) coaching package. 

Resilience is not about avoiding pain; it’s about embracing it, learning from it, and finding the courage to move forward. Together, let’s build lives filled with strength, courage, and yes, joy.

I leave you with a song that has been my companion in tough times: "Here Comes the Sun" by The Beatles. It’s a reminder that even after the darkest nights, the sun always rises.

Sending Acceptance, Joy, Warmth and Resilience your way. May you remember to find the sun everyday.

Warmly,

Practicing and putting into action Radical Joy is a good idea … but easier said than done! 

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As we’ve explored the power of radical acceptance and radical joy, you might also be wondering how to begin creating a more balanced, fulfilling life—especially in the face of life’s challenges. That’s where the Wheel of Life comes in.

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