It’s that time of year again—the end-of-year holiday season. While this period is often marketed as one of joy, connection, and gratitude, let’s be real: it’s also a time when stress levels can soar. Between preparing for family gatherings and travel, managing expectations, and fitting everything into an already packed schedule, it’s easy to find yourself emotionally stretched thin. And what happens when we’re stressed? Relationships suffer.
Today, we’re going to tackle one of the most common challenges of the holidays: how to prevent relationship breakdowns during this season of heightened stress. Let’s explore how we can apply some tried-and-true principles to transform the chaos of the holidays into an opportunity for deeper connection—both to others and to the core meaning of the Holidays.
The Stress Trap
Stress, at its core, arises when we perceive we don’t have enough resources to handle what life is demanding of us. During the holidays, this might mean not enough time, energy, money, or patience. Unfortunately, when stress hits, our brain doesn’t operate from its wisest, most rational place. Instead, it’s all hands on deck in the limbic brain—our reactive, emotional control center.
In this "flipped brain" state, our ability to think clearly, empathize, or communicate effectively takes a backseat. A simple comment from a loved one—“Oh, you’re buying pre-made pies?”—can suddenly feel like an attack on your competence or values. Misinterpretation takes over. Assumptions run wild. And before you know it, a seemingly small comment snowballs into hurt feelings, tension, or even a full-blown argument.
Let’s consider an example:
Charlotte and her sister, Nancy. Charlotte is hosting the Holiday dinner this year, and she’s already feeling overwhelmed by the logistics. Nancy, trying to help, asks, “Did you figure out how you’re going to fit everyone at the table?” Charlotte hears criticism—“You’re not organized enough”—and snaps back defensively, “Why don’t you host next year if you think I’m doing such a terrible job?” Nancy, blindsided, feels unappreciated and withdraws. Both are left frustrated and disconnected.
Does this sound familiar? It’s not just you. The holidays amplify these moments for all of us.
Transforming the Challenge: Staying Connected During Stress
The good news is that we can rewrite these stories. Here are some practical steps to help you stay in harmony with loved ones, even when the holiday stress kicks in.
GENERAL STRATEGIES
Plan Far in Advance
Holiday stress often comes from the last-minute scramble. Take control by planning early. Make lists of what needs to be done, delegate tasks, and set clear boundaries. Communicate expectations with family members early on—who’s bringing what, who’s hosting, and what’s realistic this year. When everyone’s on the same page, misunderstandings are less likely to arise.
In Charlotte and Nancy’s case, a conversation in November might have solved the table question long before it became a trigger. “Let’s figure out the seating arrangements together,” Charlotte might have said, turning it into a shared challenge rather than a perceived critique.
Embrace “Less is More”
It’s easy to get caught up in the “perfect holiday” trap. But the truth is, simpler often means happier. Do you really need a seven-course meal, or would a potluck-style gathering be just as joyful (and less stressful)? Does every room in the house need to be decorated (or perfectly clean?), or can you focus on a single area that brings you joy?
Charlotte might decide that instead of making three desserts from scratch, she’ll buy a bakery pie and only bake her family’s favorite cookies. By scaling back, she can reclaim time and energy for the moments that truly matter.
Focus on What Truly Matters
When stress hits, pause and ask yourself: What is this really about? Is it about the perfect seating arrangement, or is it about creating a space where loved ones feel connected? Refocusing on the core purpose of the holidays—togetherness, gratitude, and love—can help you navigate challenges with perspective.
PREVENTATIVE STRATEGIES
Be Aware: Tune into Your Stress Signals
Stress often speaks before we do. Do you notice your jaw clenching, your chest tightening, or your patience thinning? These are signs your brain might be flipping into reactive mode. Becoming aware of these signals is the first step to preventing unnecessary conflict.
When Charlotte notices she’s feeling on edge, she might take a few deep breaths before responding to Nancy. “She’s trying to help,” Charlotte could remind herself. This small pause creates space for a more thoughtful, grounded response.
Stick to Your Self-Care Routine
It’s tempting to let self-care slide during busy times, but this is when you need it most. Regular exercise, quality sleep, and even short moments of mindfulness can keep your stress levels manageable. Think of self-care as your foundation—it’s what allows you to respond to challenges instead of reacting to them.
Charlotte might realize she needs to stick with her morning yoga, even if her to-do list is long. Those 20 minutes on the mat could make the difference between snapping at Nancy and staying calm.
IN THE MOMENT STRATEGIES
When Triggered: Pause, Breathe, Sleep on It
If someone says or does something that triggers you, resist the urge to react immediately. Take a timeout. Walk away, take deep breaths, and if possible, sleep on it before addressing the issue. When we react in the moment, we’re often speaking from stress, not clarity.
In Charlotte’s case, she could say, “I need a minute to think about that,” instead of snapping at Nancy. The simple act of pausing can prevent an escalation.
Examine the Trigger
When you’re calmer, ask yourself: Why did that comment bother me? What assumptions am I making? Often, the trigger isn’t about the other person but about our own fears or insecurities.
Charlotte might realize Nancy’s question touched a nerve because she already feels inadequate about hosting. Recognizing this, Charlotte can approach Nancy later with curiosity instead of defensiveness: “Hey, when you asked about the table, I felt a little overwhelmed. Can we figure it out together?”
Communicate Thoughtfully
Once you’ve taken time to process your feelings, have a calm, open conversation with the person involved. Use “I” statements to express how you feel and what you need, rather than blaming or accusing.
Charlotte might say to Nancy, “I’m feeling a little stressed about hosting this year, and I could use your help with the table arrangements. Can we brainstorm together?” This invites collaboration and connection rather than defensiveness.
The Bigger Picture
As we wrap up, let’s zoom out for a moment. The holidays aren’t about perfect meals, spotless homes, or checking every box on your to-do list. They’re about connection—with loved ones, with ourselves, and with the values that matter most to us.
This year, the world continues to grapple with profound challenges: wars, climate crises, political tensions. In times like these, the holidays offer a precious opportunity to regroup, refocus, and rejuvenate. They’re a reminder to prioritize what truly matters: love, peace, and the relationships that sustain us.
So as you navigate the weeks ahead, let me encourage you to approach the season with intention. Plan ahead, simplify, stay grounded in self-care, and above all, practice kindness—to yourself and others. By doing so, you can turn the challenges of the holidays into opportunities for growth, connection, and joy.
Wishing you a holiday season filled with peace, harmony, and rejuvenation.
Warmly,
As a parting gift, a cheerful Holiday song (Listen to "It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year" here) and a poem by Maya Angelou: A Christmas Poem. It was first read by Dr. Angelou at the lighting of the National Christmas Tree in Washington D.C. in 2005. Although written in the spirit of Christmas, the poem is intended to be a gift for people of all faiths and encourages us to celebrate and embrace the promise of hope, peace and unity during the holiday season. The poem offers a beautiful message of acceptance and love that seems to be as current today as ever.
Amazing Peace: A Christmas Poem by Maya Angelou
Thunder rumbles in the mountain passes
And lightning rattles the eaves of our houses.
Flood waters await us in our avenues.
Snow falls upon snow, falls upon snow to avalanche
Over unprotected villages.
The sky slips low and grey and threatening.
We question ourselves.
What have we done to so affront nature?
We worry God.
Are you there? Are you there really?
Does the covenant you made with us still hold?
Into this climate of fear and apprehension, Christmas enters,
Streaming lights of joy, ringing bells of hope
And singing carols of forgiveness high up in the bright air.
The world is encouraged to come away from rancor,
Come the way of friendship.
It is the Glad Season.
Thunder ebbs to silence and lightning sleeps quietly in the corner.
Flood waters recede into memory.
Snow becomes a yielding cushion to aid us
As we make our way to higher ground.
Hope is born again in the faces of children
It rides on the shoulders of our aged as they walk into their sunsets.
Hope spreads around the earth. Brightening all things,
Even hate which crouches breeding in dark corridors.
In our joy, we think we hear a whisper.
At first it is too soft. Then only half heard.
We listen carefully as it gathers strength.
We hear a sweetness.
The word is Peace.
It is loud now. It is louder.
Louder than the explosion of bombs.
We tremble at the sound. We are thrilled by its presence.
It is what we have hungered for.
Not just the absence of war. But, true Peace.
A harmony of spirit, a comfort of courtesies.
Security for our beloveds and their beloveds.
We clap hands and welcome the Peace of Christmas.
We beckon this good season to wait a while with us.
We, Baptist and Buddhist, Methodist and Muslim, say come.
Peace.
Come and fill us and our world with your majesty.
We, the Jew and the Jainist, the Catholic and the Confucian,
Implore you, to stay a while with us.
So we may learn by your shimmering light
How to look beyond complexion and see community.
It is Christmas time, a halting of hate time.
On this platform of peace, we can create a language
To translate ourselves to ourselves and to each other.
At this Holy Instant, we celebrate the Birth of Jesus Christ
Into the great religions of the world.
We jubilate the precious advent of trust.
We shout with glorious tongues at the coming of hope.
All the earth’s tribes loosen their voices
To celebrate the promise of Peace.
We, Angels and Mortal’s, Believers and Non-Believers,
Look heavenward and speak the word aloud.
Peace. We look at our world and speak the word aloud.
Peace. We look at each other, then into ourselves
And we say without shyness or apology or hesitation.
Peace, My Brother.
Peace, My Sister.
Peace, My Soul.
SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHALLENGE COACH NEWSLETTER
Are you ready to receive exclusive insights, tips, and strategies to help you overcome your challenges and achieve your goals? Then sign up for The Challenge Coach's Newsletter today!
As a subscriber, you'll get access to:
- Actionable tips and advice from The Challenge Coach
- Inspiring stories
- Discounts for coaching programs and products
... and much more!
Don't miss out on this incredible opportunity to stay connected with The Challenge Coach and take your personal growth to the next level. Sign up now and join our community of driven, determined, and empowered individuals.
