SHHHHH… . This stays between us, alright?
Confession time:
I’ve been really cranky lately. Tense and on edge. Impatient and unkind, especially with my closest people: my partner, my kids, some of my colleagues, maybe even a stranger or two …
I believe it was Maya Angelou who asked why we can be so polite and well-behaved with total strangers yet behave so poorly with our beloveds at home.
My take?
It’s because we can.
If we’re lucky enough, love is already “in the bank” at home. It’s a safe place where we can let down and show our true colors. It’s where we can relax … in good and in bad times. In good times relaxation might look like putting on comfy sweatpants and lounging in front of some TV series with a favorite beverage and snack. But in bad times … it might look more like using our beloveds as if they were punching bags.
This morning, I yelled—yes, I yelled— from the lower floor of the house to my partner upstairs if he could come down and help unpack something for our renovation. He kindly acquiesced, as he always does, came downstairs and asked me to repeat what I needed. I drily asked: “did you not hear me or did you already forget?”.
My tone was unpleasant, cold, and frankly even a bit aggressive.
I turned back to what I was doing … and immediately felt a distasteful guilt feeling sinking in my belly.
How could I speak like that to him - my kind, gentle, always-willing-to-help partner? (yes, I am the luckiest person and hit the jackpot. But that’s a story for another newsletter.)
And how could I— a coach who teaches and preaches kindness as one of the most important life values —be anything but?
It wasn’t new, either. I know that I have been like this for weeks … maybe even months (yikes).
So, I grabbed my courage in both hands (it’s a beautiful French expression! “J’ai pris mon courage à deux mains”) and went to talk to him.
Here is what became clear:
When we are under intense pressure, we don’t FEEL great and as a result we don’t DO too well either. It’s when we are discouraged, overwhelmed, stretched too thin, and/or emotionally distraught that we start to misbehave.
Misbehavior is the result of discouragement. And discouragement? It’s a loss of courage—literally, a loss of heart (“Coeur”).
It means being disheartened.
And what is disheartening me?
Well, I’ll let you guess. Chances are, you might have your own reasons to feel disheartened right now, too.
Add to what’s going on “out there” a few stressful things from your private life (in my case a never-ending house renovation and a few family concerns), and you’ve got a perfect recipe for discouragement.
It all stems from feeling out of control. Possibly feeling helpless. Certainly, feeling overwhelmed and stretched to the max. All of this eats up our bandwidth, our ability to cope. So now imagine this is a rubber band we are talking about: overstretched, at the limit of its bandwidth … you know what happens next?!
SNAP.
But here is the thing: I cannot be a partner, a mother, a coach, a mentor—someone who teaches kindness as an essential life value— if I throw kindness out the window the moment things get tough. It’s precisely in these tough, stretched-thin moments that it behooves me, and you too!, to work harder toward self-control. To be more self-disciplined. To get a grip and take a break, before I open my mouth and let something unkind come out of it— no matter how hard it is. Because, you see, unkind words are like little (or sometimes big) darts. They pierce hearts and leave wounds: of self-doubt, rejection, hurt, resentment (among probably many others).
Those wounds leave scars. And those scars become rigid places in a relationship—eroding trust, safety, and love.
So, this morning, after a bit of reflection, I went to my love and apologized. I explained I’d been carrying a lot— days, weeks, … heck, MONTHS— of tension. That I was tense and stressed because of X, Y and Z on the personal front but also because what is going on in the world is throwing me to the edges of what I am capable of bearing.
Then I added: these are explanations— not excuses.
Because there are no excuses for misbehavior.
Only reasons.
And I still believe, with every fiber of my being, that one of the most important things we can ever do as humans is to be kind.
Kindness is not just politeness.
Kindness is strength.
It’s what softens the world when it becomes too hard to hold.
It’s what reconnects us when we feel frayed.
And kindness is our superpower— especially when the going gets rough.
Can you imagine what our world would be like if kindness were universal?
So … go be kind.
With strangers.
With your beloveds.
With yourself.
In kindness,
CRANKY, SNAPPY, AND TOTALLY FRIED?
Upcoming Webinar — Special Reader Offer!
Holding it Together (Without Falling Apart):
Stress Relief for Tender-Hearted Humans
⏰Thursday, July 17 @ 12pm ET | 60 minutes
Feeling overwhelmed? Snapping at the people you love? You’re not alone—and you’re not broken. You’re just stressed. Let’s reset, together.
In this lively, interactive webinar, you’ll learn what stress does to your brain and body—and walk away with real tools to feel calmer, clearer, and more you again.
- Tools for emotional resilience
- In-the-moment self-regulation strategies
- A nervous system refresh—engaging, creative, uplifting
🎟️ I’d love to invite you—my newsletter readers—to this live masterclass at a special rate. You can join for $150 (normally $300) with the code KIND50.
Want to bring a friend? Even better. Use KIND60TOGETHER when registering two people, and it’s just $120 each—that’s 60% off for both of you. It’s my way of saying thanks for being here.
Click below to get the full details and reserve your spot:
SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHALLENGE COACH NEWSLETTER
Are you ready to receive exclusive insights, tips, and strategies to help you overcome your challenges and achieve your goals? Then sign up for The Challenge Coach's Newsletter today!
As a subscriber, you'll get access to:
- Actionable tips and advice from The Challenge Coach
- Inspiring stories
- Discounts for coaching programs and products
... and much more!
Don't miss out on this incredible opportunity to stay connected with The Challenge Coach and take your personal growth to the next level. Sign up now and join our community of driven, determined, and empowered individuals.
