Sitting for days now in front of the proverbial “blank page” and wondering what the theme of my newsletter should be this month, all that’s coming up are my usual themes: life is hard, the world is in terrible shape, how do we cope and keep functioning in the face of personal and global hardship etc. But those topics are getting old--for me, and undoubtedly for you as well. And then this happened: a friend posted that she had a couple of tickets to hear Anne Lamott speak about her new book Somehow. For those of you who don’t know her, she is an American novelist and non-fiction writer. She is also a progressive political activist, public speaker, and writing teacher. I highly recommend Anne Lamott’s writings in general and this book Somehow in particular, in which she uses her humor and deep wisdom to share her meaningful thoughts on Love. More on the topic of love in a future newsletter! Or, if you are impatient, you can read this one from a while ago.
At the end of the talk, Anne invited questions from the audience. One participant came to the microphone and explained that she has a habit of starting various writing projects but never finishes any of them. “It’s hard”, she said. “What do you recommend?” Anne’s answer —in her typical “cut to the chase with humor” style—was to “Finish”. She shared that there’s an online community of 500+ writers whose one and only goal is to support each other across the finish line.
Anne stressed that in order to finish you have to start. Then you have to develop grit, and structures and habits, and trust the process. Sit down every day, and keep moving forward.
My life partner, Michael, is a writer and university professor who teaches writing, and was with me to hear Anne speak. On the way home, he shared how this is an important message that he teaches his students: one of the hardest things for a writer is finishing. The reason is that writers often encounter problems, conundrums, dead ends … and it’s not long before frustration sets in and they give up. They don’t finish, he said, which is a shame since pushing through and solving their hard problems is where real learning and growth can happen for a writer.
I listened to him and thought: This doesn’t just happen in the writing world! Not finishing afflicts everyone at one time or another. Don’t you agree?
I’m a life coach: my clients come to coaching because they want to be somewhere else than where they are. They want to go from point A (current state) to point B (desired, and usually expected-to-be-better state). They hire me because they have not been able to reach point B on their own.
Why? Because CHANGE IS HARD! Finishing is hard. Ask a football player about scoring a goal, or any athlete for that matter. They have to transform their bodies to do things that they weren’t originally capable of doing in their natural state. Reaching our goals in life is the same, except that instead of —or occasionally in addition to—changing our bodies, we need to change our brains, our minds, our spirits. Sometimes even our souls. That’s why so many of us often need a little help from a friend (or a coach) to transform.
Keep reading to learn about a limited-time coaching offer I have for May! (Hint: FREE COACHING!!)
Interestingly, I’m currently in a four-months long training called “the neuroscience of change”; another strong recommendation if, like me, you are a neuroscience nerd. I’m only half way through the training and it is so intense and dense that it probably wouldn’t be fair (or smart!) to try to reduce the training to one core message. Yet this is my biggest takeaway thus far: making change in our lives does not happen in the cognitive realm. It happens in the embodied realm. Dr. Amanda Blake, who is a leadership coach, researcher and author, teaches Module 1 of the course and explains why we cannot speak our way out of problems or into change and solutions. We have to somatically EMBODY the changes we want to have happen. One of the reasons why I am absolutely beyond psyched about this course and its teachings is that it confirms what I learned 20 years ago when I started studying Alfred Adler and his Individual Psychology:
“Trust only movement. Life happens at the level of events, not words. Trust movement.”
He also famously said:
“Don’t listen to the tongue in the mouth. Watch the tongue in the shoe.”
In other words, don’t listen to the words, watch the movement/direction of the feet.
And Maya Angelou echoed this thought as well when she said that:
“People show who they are, not by what they say, but by what they do.”
Finally, having co-authored the book on how to use Psychodrama in Coaching, I’d be remiss if I didn’t also connect this concept of “change happens through action” to Moreno and psychodrama! Psychodrama is all about getting people out of the therapy or coaching chair and onto the stage of ACTING OUT the things in life that are keeping them stuck, and helping them ACT INTO the changes they want to see for themselves. Moreno famously said:
Back to change and coaching: if you are trying to change something in your life—whether it is yourself (character, patterns, habits, reactions, health), your relationships, your career—ANYthing at all!—talking about it won’t actually affect any real change. Talking might help you understand yourself better, realize where things might be coming from, process the what, why and how of where you are and where you want to go. But ACTUAL change won’t happen until you stop talking and start doing.
In discovery sessions with my clients, I explain to them that the efficacy of coaching lies in two fundamental elements. One: the homework that my clients do in between sessions, which 99% of the time is implementation of actions – aka DOING. And two: their accountability to me. They verbally commit to me to implement certain tasks. When that happens, I become their witness and accountability partner.
Clients come to coaching when they are stuck; stuck in unproductive patterns, bad relationships, unfulfilling jobs. By definition, being stuck means being unable to move from a particular position or place, or being unable to change a situation. It is easy to understand, then, that the antidote to stuckness is movement! The problem is that whether it's in personal relationships, career aspirations, or creative endeavors, the feeling of being stagnant can be frustrating and demotivating, which obviously then feeds the stuckness. However, by harnessing the power of movement and action, we can all break free from this inertia and pave the way towards progress and growth.
If you are looking for some ideas for how to get unstuck and take action toward whatever life goals you are pursuing, here are some practical steps you can take:
- Identify the Stagnation: The first step in getting unstuck is recognizing and acknowledging the areas in which you feel stagnant. Take some time to reflect on your life and pinpoint the specific areas where you're experiencing a lack of progress or motivation.
- Set Clear Goals: Once you've identified the areas where you feel stuck, set clear and achievable goals for yourself. These goals should be specific, measurable, and realistic. Having a clear direction will give you something to work towards and provide a sense of purpose.
- Take Small, Consistent Actions: Break down your goals into smaller, manageable tasks, and commit to taking consistent action towards them every day. Even small steps forward can gradually build momentum and propel you out of your rut.
- Embrace Movement: Incorporate physical movement into your daily routine. Whether it's going for a walk, practicing yoga, or engaging in a favorite form of exercise, movement can help stimulate both your body and mind, breaking through mental blocks and generating fresh ideas.
- Try Something New: Stagnation often arises from routine and familiarity. Shake things up by trying something new or stepping out of your comfort zone. Whether it's learning a new skill, exploring a new hobby, or taking on a new challenge, stepping into the unknown can reignite your passion and creativity.
- Seek Support: Don't be afraid to reach out for support from friends, family, or a coach. Having someone to cheer you on, offer guidance, and hold you accountable can make a significant difference in overcoming obstacles and staying on track towards your goals.
- Stay Positive and Persistent: Getting unstuck is a journey that requires patience, perseverance, and a positive mindset. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and stay focused on the possibilities that lie ahead. Remember that setbacks are a natural part of the process, and use them as opportunities to learn and grow.
It's a powerful life-changing truth. When you take action and embrace movement, you can break free from the shackles of stagnation and embark on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth. Through clear goal-setting, consistent effort, and a willingness to explore new possibilities, anyone can overcome inertia and create positive change in their lives. Not only have I done this myself, but I’ve been witness to hundreds of coaching clients who have gotten out of stuck mode and into movement; movement that has changed their lives.
So, take action. Take that First Step. Keep moving forward, and watch as the path to personal growth and success unfolds before you. As Anne Lamott would say: Keep going and FINISH! If you need a little help from a coach to get you across that finish line, keep on reading and take advantage of the special offer below! (Hint: FREE COACHING!!)
Thank you for reading.
Wishing everyone a Spring time of movement and change!
TAKE ACTION WITH FREE COACHING SESSION
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