{"id":3219,"date":"2021-10-28T05:25:03","date_gmt":"2021-10-28T10:25:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thechallengecoach.com\/?p=3219"},"modified":"2021-10-28T05:32:28","modified_gmt":"2021-10-28T10:32:28","slug":"gremlins-saboteurs-nonviolent-communication","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thechallengecoach.com\/fr\/gremlins-saboteurs-nonviolent-communication","title":{"rendered":"Gremlins, Saboteurs et CNV"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

In the United States (and now also in other countries!), the month of October is synonymous with the feast of Halloween. 

What comes up for you when you think of Halloween? <\/span><\/strong>

For me, it\u2019s many fond memories of celebrating with my children when they were little: excitedly deciding which costumes they were going to dress up in, going trick or treating, carving pumpkins and decorating the house in preparation for the highly anticipated event on October 31st. In addition, Halloween makes me think of little devilish gremlins and other figures from the dark side. <\/p>\n\n\n\n


  ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It also brings to mind Halloween-eve on one particular year, when my kids were 4 and 6 years old and my husband was away on travel. I was in the middle of making dinner at the end of a long, stressful, day. As usual, I was running late and there was chaos in the house: hungry kids were roughhousing in the family room, our dog Bailey was barking, the house was a mess, and I was going to be late for a meeting that night. That\u2019s when our neighbor called me to ask if I could bring back the Crockpot I had borrowed the day before.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I didn\u2019t have a choice; I had to bring the Crockpot back to our neighbor right away as she needed it that evening. I turned the heat off under my cooking meal, shouted at my kids to hurry upstairs and jump in the car all the while loading the Crockpot in the car. My oldest daughter said that she didn\u2019t think we should leave the dog alone, and asked if she could let him jump in the trunk of the car so he could go with us. My husband had brought our station wagon to the garage over the weekend to be detailed \u2013 at last our trunk was clean again, free of dog hair! I quickly explained this to my daughter. Obviously, after having spent a significant amount on getting the car cleaned, bringing the dog was out of the question. I impatiently explained that we were going to be back in 5mns and that Bailey could stay home alone. I finally had everything turned off and safe in the house, ran into the garage to hop in the car \u2026 only to find Bailey happily sitting in the trunk and my triumphant daughters beaming with satisfaction.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I am ashamed to admit that \u2026 I completely lost it in that moment. After I let Bailey out of the car, I got VERY angry at my daughter and made my anger VERY clear in no uncertain (or quiet) terms. All the way to our neighbors, and all the way back to the house again... The girls were both in shock and crying at my outburst.\u00a0

This outburst was caused by some of my saboteurs \u2013 especially my \u201ccontroller\u201d saboteur. We all have them; they are basically our survival instinct. They often manifest as voices in our heads telling us to hold back, to protect ourselves or hide, why we should feel ashamed or guilty or why we should be controlling a situation. They basically dictate who and how we should be in the world. We develop these conclusions at a very young age \u2013 either in reaction to life events, or by integrating messages we hear from adults around us. Wherever they are coming from, these at-times self-defeating messages have at their core the good intention to help us navigate the world safely. Here are some examples:<\/p>\n\n\n\n